I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
