Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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