I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
