I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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