am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
