i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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