I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
