Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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