I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
