dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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