12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
