just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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