yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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