new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize