2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize