11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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