I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
