apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
