I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
