Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
