dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
