Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
