Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
