Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
