You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
