...so i touched it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
