the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
