First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
