I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
