Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
