It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
