..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
