i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
