My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
