I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
