Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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