It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
