You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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