When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
