I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
