wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
