Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
