it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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