The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
