Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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