I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mom said you looked used
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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