OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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