Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
