Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize