Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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