Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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