I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
