Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
