In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
