Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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