It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
