hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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