there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
