We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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