Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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