Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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