um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
