it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
