If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
