I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
