so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
