final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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