I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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