It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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