i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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