I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize