Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
