So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
