We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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