the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
