how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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