id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
