i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
