Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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