Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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