I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
