wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
