I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
