Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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